That whole backpacking thing didn't work out. I walked for about 4 miles before I realized that my pack was too heavy or my back was messed up or something. Lame. So... it was a learning experience, I guess. Next time if I want to go somewhere, I'll just hop on a freight train with a light pack and see where I end up.
I feel so alone. All the time. Even when I'm around people, I'm not all there - that one piece, that one part that makes it all real - it's almost always missing. What is wrong with me? Why can't I just be happy?
I have never been loved - truly loved. It sounds self-pitying, doesn't it? But I think that's how we are. We're built to long for each other. I find myself waking up every morning, curled up and trying to snuggle with the damn wall. This is unbearable. I can't even express anything anymore. I can't do this. Let me feel anything but this.
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i wish i could climb in bed with you and show you how much you really are loved. Seeing you in this pain is tearing at my heart and i want to tell you so badly who i am but i know you would reject me. Wish i could.......
it's your choice. in my experience, rejection has hurt slightly less than not knowing at all. but i am grateful that you care.
sean, I'm not really sure how to make this sound good at all.. but I think sometimes you don't allow your self to be loved in the way that you want.
Back in chicago it seemed like there were at least a few [if not more] people that really would've liked to get into a relationship with you.. but kinda turned away since you were so hung up on rye.
Gosh, that sounds extremely bad. But idk. getting over Rye is gonna take awhile.. but at least know that when you finally do, there will be people out there that are ready to love you the way that you want. Cuz you're an amazing kid and I think Cat'll agree with me when I say that you undervalue your self alot. You've got alot to give to the world and to whom ever you choose to as well.
and if you ever wanna talk, I'm just a phone call away :]
p.s. please be safe when ever you go out on your adventures man. lol I don't wanna come back and hear that you've ended up in the hospital or died.. cuz that'd really really suck man.
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