Today was no good, I was off my meds for nearly two days about five days ago, and it caught up to me just now. I hate those fucking things. I've been on them since I was 14. I'm not sure if they've even helped anything. So my mood has been off for a day or so now. Well, I can't be sure. What do you do when you can't trust your own thoughts? Whose thoughts are they then?
I miss you so much. Maybe it was something you could just brush off now that you have someone else. You really hurt me, and it's like you don't even care. Don't ever presume to tell me how I'm feeling. Only I can really know that, just as you are the only one who can truly know how you feel. I love you. I'm truly sorry if that makes you feel weird, but I'm not sorry for my feeling that way about you. Maybe you're right and you never really loved me. But I know that I loved you and that I love you still. And yes, I don't know the specifics about you that would come if there wasn't this distance. But would that make me love you any less? Any more?
You won't read this, though. So I'm just posting and recording my self-pity for all to read. I don't care. I don't care I don't care I don't care I don't care I don't care. You never loved me. I don't blame you. But those precious weeks where both of us loved (or thought we loved) the other were wonderful.
1 comment:
Even if she doesn't read it, you have to vent it. And this is a great place for that.
*hug*
Post a Comment