Well, I gots a job now. It's a good job. The people are nice. I am treated and paid well. Still, I feel like I'm betraying what I've come to believe these last few months; namely, anarchism. Is an hour of my life really worth $9? They're not exactly replaceable. Plus, my working helps fund a war that I believe to be criminal. And yet, and yet... I must buy photo supplies. I must repay loans. I must be a consumer, and my money spends (and contributes) the same now as it would if I was ignorant of the misery capitalism perpetuates.
My first day I spent on the edge of tears - no joke. It wasn't solely because of all this... I don't know. Just feeling incredibly lonely and unloved as well... I've more or less been in a tailspin since November. I fear that I am losing the ability to express myself because of it. I've sort of stopped playing music and writing songs because everything I write or play ends up as just a long parade of cliches. My friends... well, we both wish they could do something. I swear to god, days like these make me want to just make up a backpack and start walking to wherever. When I am done with school, I think I'll do that for a while, except I'll have my camera and say I'm "building my portfolio". Or something.
Ah, shit. It's daylights savings today and I have to work in the morning. Fucking Benjamin Franklin... whatever.
Click here.
1 comment:
I've loved Crystal Castles for a while now. It was very good to see you, and very VERY good to see you smiling today. I miss you man. You will grow out of that loneliness, as well as the fear of capitalism (ok...that one's more of a maybe). I understand your feelings though, and if you ever want to bitch at someone, be my guest. I am a vent.
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